by Ogden Nash
Today, my friends, I beg your pardon,
But I'd like to speak of my Victory Garden
With a hoe for a sword, and citronella for armor,
I ventured forth to become a farmer.
On bended knee, and perspiring clammily,
I pecked at the soil to feed my family,
A figure than which there was none more dramatic-er.
Alone with the bug, and my faithful sciatica,
I toiled with the patience of Job or Buddha,
But nothing turned out the way it shudda.
Would you like a description of my parsley?
I can give it to you in one word--gharsley!
They're making play shoes out of my celery,
It's reclaimed rubber, and purplish yellery,
Something crawly got into my chives,
My lettuce has hookworm; my cabbage has hives,
And I mixed the labels when sowing my carrots;
I planted birdseed--it came up parrots.
Do you wonder then, that my arteries harden
Whenever I think of my Victory Garden?
My farming will never make me famous,
I'm an agricultural ignoramus,
So don't ask me to tell a string bean from a soybean.
I can't even tell a girl bean from a boy bean.
Notes: Today is the birthday of Ogden Nash, the American poet, who said, "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." He also wrote a number of poems about gardening and flowers.